Growing pains.
Posted by robdalajara on June 8, 2011
I thought I was prepared for my role as a father. And, for the most part, I think I’ve adjusted very well in that regard. What I wasn’t prepared for, and what nobody ever really told me about, was my new role as co-parent. You see, when you have a baby your relationship with your child isn’t the only new thing in your life…your relationship to your spouse also becomes something new.
Okay, so maybe the relationship doesn’t start from scratch, but there are definite changes to the marriage dynamic. Some things certainly have changed in both our lives – being responsible for Sarah, obviously, tops that list. But how that responsibility manifests in our roles as mother and father is starkly different. The single biggest difference in our lives right now is that I go off to school and/or work each day, then come back home about 8 hours later, while Amy spends all day, every day, nurturing Sarah and trying her darnedest to get other things done, too.
Before Sarah, we’d both go to work or school, come home about the same time, and have about the same amount of time at home. The change in my life is that I’m a father. Amy’s a mother, but also for the time being a stay-at-home mother, having to adjust to a host of other things from which my job and education keep me insulated.
When you’re married without children, you’re still afforded some selfish behaviors that really don’t feel all that selfish, like waking up precisely when you have just enough time to get ready and make it to work on time. Once you have a child, things like that go out the window – if I do that now, especially when Amy has an appointment to be somewhere, I’m being completely selfish; Amy’s left to feed Sarah, get them both ready, etc. I obviously can’t do everything I can for our daughter, but if I get up earlier I can at least watch Sarah so Amy can get ready faster, have breakfast uninterrupted, etc.
That’s just one example. I can’t simply default to what works best for me any more. I simply have to develop a mindset that my family comes first, and that mindset has to be rooted from the perspective of everything that Amy does all day, every day. She’s wonderful, an absolutely brilliant mom and wife.
