Seasons.

Sure, this is the Christmas season, the season of the winter solstice, Kwanzaa, Hanuka, what have you. Some may simply say “winter.” But for my family, a new season is approaching, one that brings with it a host of new emotions. And no, we are not expecting, heh. I’m speaking in regard to my academic goals, alongside my continued employment situation.

As you know, I’m 35 and, despite my desire to learn as much as I can, I have yet to finish my undergraduate studies. The past couple of years have included a few different scenarios. I restarted my collegiate aspirations in the fall of 2006. In December 2005, I began working for UPS Freight as a billing/operations clerk. I had evening hours, so I was able to take advantage of their generous tuition reimbursement package (which is no longer offered, but it was great while it lasted!). This continued through the Fall 2008. See, in November 2008, I was offered a promotion at work, becoming an operations supervisor in title, but effectively our terminal’s manager in all but title and salary (words borrowed from the Regional Vice President). Along with the promotion came a change in hours – I began working from 7 am-5 pm. Which was great – I got to see a lot more of my beautiful wife!

But, the change upped the difficulty of completing my degree. I didn’t take any courses the Spring of 2009, but I was able to take 11 hours of courses online this past fall. However, there aren’t too many courses in higher mathematics that are offered in an online format – sure, I could study MIT’s Open Courseware, but none of that is transferable. So…options for completion have become exceedingly limited.

After much deliberation, thought, and prayer, we’ve decided to give something new a try: my going back to an evening schedule at work. To their credit, UPS Freight has been remarkably supportive of my going back to school. I’ll be working the outbound shift, and Joe, our part-time supervisor, will be taking over the inbound – I’m not entirely without trepidation in that regard, but hey, my fingers are crossed. I was able to get all of my classes for this semester in the morning.

With that said, the change that has me concerned most of all is the disruption this will bring to our home. I’m 36 credit hours shy of having a shiny Bachelors of Science in Mathematics (concentration of Operations Research) along with a minor in Creative Writing (focus on poetry), so we both know that this will be a temporary season…but it’s still scary. I should be home by 9:30 each night, so it isn’t like I’ll never see my wife, but it will be for a lot less than we’re accustomed to.

So…there it is. We’re taking steps to help us position ourselves for a happier future (I’m made to manage projects and numbers much more than I’m made to manage people). It won’t be easy, but this season, too, shall pass.

cowardice.

Poetry.

I once considered myself a poet, but now realize the truth. Though I am more than a simple tinkerer of words, I do not live and breathe nor even do I think in the mindset of a true poet. Poetry requires an immersion of self. Such a complete and utter submission to the art is exceedingly tempting; however, it is simply not a viable path for me. I do wish to continue dipping my toes into the well from time to time, and so I’ve decided to help rekindle my muse by posting a few of my more recent works.

I used to think I would enjoy the trials of getting published, but that’s just another stressor that I really don’t need to have clouding my sense of wonder and awe with the world. Putting things online effectively voids the rights of “first publication,” so until now I’ve been fairly wary of posting any of my work. Now that I have no desire to pursue a small-press book deal, I’ll share some things with the handful of people who read this blog. Some of you have read or heard these before, others probably have little interest, and still a couple of others might be pleasantly surprised that the geeky twerp from high school has an artistic bent.

So, enjoy! The first will follow henceforth!

Once more, with spirit!

I’m back in school! Better late than never. At least this hiatus was only a few months instead of ten years.

Due to work restraints, I’ll be taking all internet courses for the Fall. This should be interesting, as I’ve never done this before. In the spring, I was enrolled in two internet courses, but had to drop them both a couple of weeks in. I don’t anticipate many hiccups, but it will be challenging keeping myself on track consistently. Luckily, I’m blessed with a wife who isn’t afraid to call me out when I start slacking.

4 courses, 14 credit hours. Yes, I still work crazy hours, but not quite as crazy as the spring. Yes, I realize this will be difficult. Yes, I realize it will be stressful.

I can do this. Amy is not only completely supportive, but she believes in me unconditionally. I won’t go into them now, but my motives are wholly unselfish. The entire path hasn’t been laid out – my life has never been like that. God illuminates one step at a time, and this step is very clear to me.

So, I’m back in school, and it is a wonderful feeling. It’s not under the precise circumstances that I would like, but that’s not the point, not at all.

Studious.

Today, I studied for the first time since January.

You see, last November I got a rather big promotion at work. This meant not only a lot more money coming into the household (yay!), but also a lot (read: a LOT) more hours and responsibilities at work (yay, to a degree, but we’re well past that degree, so boo!). Consequently, this severely hobbled my ability to pursue my degree. I enrolled in a couple of online courses through NC State, but had to promptly drop the coursework completely due to, you guessed it, work expectations.

I told myself at the time that I would continue to study the coursework independently. Apparently, I enjoy lying to myself.

So, anyway, today I began studying again. And it has been good.

Whoa. Methinks he be alive.

I almost forgot I had this thing until someone over on Facebook (I’m lookin’ at you, punko) told me to go update something. “Self, what should be updated?” “WordPress, you oaf.” “Ah, yes! WordPress!” And so on.

Amy and I just celebrated our first year of wedded bliss! It was very, very awesome. We each took last Thursday and Friday off work, which in and of itself is quite a phenomenal thing. They were the first days off I’ve had since ye ol’ yuletime. Oh, what a blessed occasion!

We ended up relaxing here in Wilmington, just enjoying each other tremendously. We pampered ourselves, spent time with friends, went bowling, and I ate a goodly amount of ocean fare. I love halibut and yellowfin tuna. Mmm. We went to a musical. We took the dogs for a wonderful walk. We spent thirty spectacular minutes being ferried across the intracoastal waterway on an absolutely gorgeous day. We picked strawberries and ate waffle cones.

Joyful, my friends. Absolutely joyful. The weekend, the past year, everything. Life is rich.

workity work, vol. ii

So, here’s a little update on my work situation. Today was Charlie’s last day! Good for him. He is retiring after over 30 years with the company, and, by gum, the man deserves a break. Last year, he underwent a quintuple bypass. While I was thrilled that he recovered enough to return to work, I’m sincerely glad he decided to retire. He has never been one to handle stress well, and our job can definitely act as a stress magnet.

That said, the company hasn’t exactly been proactive in replacing him. Given the current economic situation (God, I’m so tired of that phrase), I can understand if they don’t want to bring in another supervisor. But, for the love of all that is holy, please let me hire a part time clerk to at least answer the phones while I’m on conference calls, or spell me so I can grab a bit of lunch.

You know what phrase I hate more than “given the current economic situation”? Two words: “Hiring freeze.” Pthhhbt.

Defeated.

This weekend was phenomenal. The cold snap finally broke. I finally remembered why I do so enjoy living on the coast – the ability to wear shorts on the occasional February morning. I washed the cars outside. Amy and I took a nice, long walk with the dogs while our house aired out – we finally got around to sealing the grout in our kitchen. A new series was started in church that I think I’ll enjoy. I chatted a bit with Ash, our neighbor, about our gutters.

It was peaceful. Calm.

And then Monday comes, and suddenly I feel absolutely drained.

I had a revelation a few weeks ago: what right have I to feel defeated? I’m a child of God, for crying out loud! Woe is me should have no foothold in my soul, but somehow, some days, it does. Days like today, it does.

Flaky.

Today it snowed in Wilmington for the second time this year. Nutty. It all melted as soon as it hit the ground, though there were some big flakes that fell for a couple of hours. It was pretty.

I miss digging tunnels in snow. The carving out of the drifts that would press up against the shed, the coating the sides of our little caves with water, then ice. The snow/iceball fights. I used to stage huge, days-long skirmishes with my GI Joes. You know, the ones I customized by taking out the little screws in their back and putting the body parts together in the way I thought they should go, then assigning each one of them their own individualized superpower.

I miss the jello-jaws that would come after being pulled along behind a truck by a large inner tube. And the hot chocolate that would follow.

Workity work.

I. Status quo for November 1: Ronnie (manager), Charlie (supervisor), me (billing/OS&D/catch-all hourly grunt), and Joe (billing). 8 P&D (daytime) drivers. 4 road (evening) drivers.

Nov. 14: We close on our house. I’m offered a promotion and Ronnie tells me he’s transferring to Charlotte.

II. Status quo December 1: Me (inbound supervisor), Charlie (outbound supervisor), and Joe. The manager spot is being filled by the manager of a nearby (~2 hours away) terminal, so he is only in town once every few weeks. All drivers are still accounted for.

III. Status quo as of last Friday: The office is the same as above, but the driver situation has changed. The road drivers are still at 4, but we’re down a couple of P&D guys. 1 is retiring, and another has parted ways with the company. So, we’re at 6, which leaves us remarkably little wiggle room in planning or daily variation in freight amounts.

IV. Today. Charlie put in for his retirement, effective the beginning of April.

What does this mean? Who knows?

I’m still trying to decide exactly how I feel about all of this. If I post more about this, I’ll do my best to keep an objective viewpoint, at any rate. I just thought you all might be a teeny bit interested.