cowardice.

Poetry.

I once considered myself a poet, but now realize the truth. Though I am more than a simple tinkerer of words, I do not live and breathe nor even do I think in the mindset of a true poet. Poetry requires an immersion of self. Such a complete and utter submission to the art is exceedingly tempting; however, it is simply not a viable path for me. I do wish to continue dipping my toes into the well from time to time, and so I’ve decided to help rekindle my muse by posting a few of my more recent works.

I used to think I would enjoy the trials of getting published, but that’s just another stressor that I really don’t need to have clouding my sense of wonder and awe with the world. Putting things online effectively voids the rights of “first publication,” so until now I’ve been fairly wary of posting any of my work. Now that I have no desire to pursue a small-press book deal, I’ll share some things with the handful of people who read this blog. Some of you have read or heard these before, others probably have little interest, and still a couple of others might be pleasantly surprised that the geeky twerp from high school has an artistic bent.

So, enjoy! The first will follow henceforth!

Once more, with spirit!

I’m back in school! Better late than never. At least this hiatus was only a few months instead of ten years.

Due to work restraints, I’ll be taking all internet courses for the Fall. This should be interesting, as I’ve never done this before. In the spring, I was enrolled in two internet courses, but had to drop them both a couple of weeks in. I don’t anticipate many hiccups, but it will be challenging keeping myself on track consistently. Luckily, I’m blessed with a wife who isn’t afraid to call me out when I start slacking.

4 courses, 14 credit hours. Yes, I still work crazy hours, but not quite as crazy as the spring. Yes, I realize this will be difficult. Yes, I realize it will be stressful.

I can do this. Amy is not only completely supportive, but she believes in me unconditionally. I won’t go into them now, but my motives are wholly unselfish. The entire path hasn’t been laid out – my life has never been like that. God illuminates one step at a time, and this step is very clear to me.

So, I’m back in school, and it is a wonderful feeling. It’s not under the precise circumstances that I would like, but that’s not the point, not at all.

Studious.

Today, I studied for the first time since January.

You see, last November I got a rather big promotion at work. This meant not only a lot more money coming into the household (yay!), but also a lot (read: a LOT) more hours and responsibilities at work (yay, to a degree, but we’re well past that degree, so boo!). Consequently, this severely hobbled my ability to pursue my degree. I enrolled in a couple of online courses through NC State, but had to promptly drop the coursework completely due to, you guessed it, work expectations.

I told myself at the time that I would continue to study the coursework independently. Apparently, I enjoy lying to myself.

So, anyway, today I began studying again. And it has been good.

Whoa. Methinks he be alive.

I almost forgot I had this thing until someone over on Facebook (I’m lookin’ at you, punko) told me to go update something. “Self, what should be updated?” “WordPress, you oaf.” “Ah, yes! WordPress!” And so on.

Amy and I just celebrated our first year of wedded bliss! It was very, very awesome. We each took last Thursday and Friday off work, which in and of itself is quite a phenomenal thing. They were the first days off I’ve had since ye ol’ yuletime. Oh, what a blessed occasion!

We ended up relaxing here in Wilmington, just enjoying each other tremendously. We pampered ourselves, spent time with friends, went bowling, and I ate a goodly amount of ocean fare. I love halibut and yellowfin tuna. Mmm. We went to a musical. We took the dogs for a wonderful walk. We spent thirty spectacular minutes being ferried across the intracoastal waterway on an absolutely gorgeous day. We picked strawberries and ate waffle cones.

Joyful, my friends. Absolutely joyful. The weekend, the past year, everything. Life is rich.

workity work, vol. ii

So, here’s a little update on my work situation. Today was Charlie’s last day! Good for him. He is retiring after over 30 years with the company, and, by gum, the man deserves a break. Last year, he underwent a quintuple bypass. While I was thrilled that he recovered enough to return to work, I’m sincerely glad he decided to retire. He has never been one to handle stress well, and our job can definitely act as a stress magnet.

That said, the company hasn’t exactly been proactive in replacing him. Given the current economic situation (God, I’m so tired of that phrase), I can understand if they don’t want to bring in another supervisor. But, for the love of all that is holy, please let me hire a part time clerk to at least answer the phones while I’m on conference calls, or spell me so I can grab a bit of lunch.

You know what phrase I hate more than “given the current economic situation”? Two words: “Hiring freeze.” Pthhhbt.

Defeated.

This weekend was phenomenal. The cold snap finally broke. I finally remembered why I do so enjoy living on the coast – the ability to wear shorts on the occasional February morning. I washed the cars outside. Amy and I took a nice, long walk with the dogs while our house aired out – we finally got around to sealing the grout in our kitchen. A new series was started in church that I think I’ll enjoy. I chatted a bit with Ash, our neighbor, about our gutters.

It was peaceful. Calm.

And then Monday comes, and suddenly I feel absolutely drained.

I had a revelation a few weeks ago: what right have I to feel defeated? I’m a child of God, for crying out loud! Woe is me should have no foothold in my soul, but somehow, some days, it does. Days like today, it does.

Flaky.

Today it snowed in Wilmington for the second time this year. Nutty. It all melted as soon as it hit the ground, though there were some big flakes that fell for a couple of hours. It was pretty.

I miss digging tunnels in snow. The carving out of the drifts that would press up against the shed, the coating the sides of our little caves with water, then ice. The snow/iceball fights. I used to stage huge, days-long skirmishes with my GI Joes. You know, the ones I customized by taking out the little screws in their back and putting the body parts together in the way I thought they should go, then assigning each one of them their own individualized superpower.

I miss the jello-jaws that would come after being pulled along behind a truck by a large inner tube. And the hot chocolate that would follow.

Workity work.

I. Status quo for November 1: Ronnie (manager), Charlie (supervisor), me (billing/OS&D/catch-all hourly grunt), and Joe (billing). 8 P&D (daytime) drivers. 4 road (evening) drivers.

Nov. 14: We close on our house. I’m offered a promotion and Ronnie tells me he’s transferring to Charlotte.

II. Status quo December 1: Me (inbound supervisor), Charlie (outbound supervisor), and Joe. The manager spot is being filled by the manager of a nearby (~2 hours away) terminal, so he is only in town once every few weeks. All drivers are still accounted for.

III. Status quo as of last Friday: The office is the same as above, but the driver situation has changed. The road drivers are still at 4, but we’re down a couple of P&D guys. 1 is retiring, and another has parted ways with the company. So, we’re at 6, which leaves us remarkably little wiggle room in planning or daily variation in freight amounts.

IV. Today. Charlie put in for his retirement, effective the beginning of April.

What does this mean? Who knows?

I’m still trying to decide exactly how I feel about all of this. If I post more about this, I’ll do my best to keep an objective viewpoint, at any rate. I just thought you all might be a teeny bit interested.

One more thing.

Oh, Sis…we’re not leaving Indiana without our pillowcase.